so am i now aloud to be happy?
since when did miracles start happening for me?

so i just watched the entirety of Twilight online at work...
i get the same reactions every time i see it.
it always makes me cry... not because its a sad movie but because theres true love...
and i get to leave here and go home to roy..........
who in the last 2 years that we have gotten back together has YET to tell me he loves me.
wtf is wrong with me...

*end*

i've got baby fever....

i need to go home to my son lol

i literally have less than 50 dollars for 2 weeks.... lovely

GOD I COULD FUCKING KILL ROY!!!

so... we just had to put another one of our cats to sleep because of liver cancer...
thats our second cat that has had it..........

alright so no one IRL knows this really but i have talked to my doctor regaurding getting weightloss surgery. i currently am signed up to attend the seminar that is held by the surgeons office (which is in Hyannis on Jan 7th), and from there i get to make my first appointment with the surgeon. this entire thing is still hush hush because every time i would bring it up with my mother or any family member really in the past i would get an OMG YOUR NOT DOING THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH... so i just went ahead and did it all myself. some close friends know that i have had the discussion with my doctor but other than that its on the d/l.
i am very eager to get this done... and have wanted it for years. i am 21 yo and my BMI is 45! that is ridiculous!!!!!! i have an almost 1 yo and i want to have more children. i want to be healthy enough to have a normal pregnancy without the scare of omg whats going to happen because i am so over weight. with x i gained 47lbs!! the weight from that is now gone but i peaked 351 lbs before delivery!!!!! my highest weight ever... that was a major downer.
i have been on diet upon diet upon diet. the max ive ever lost was this last time that i was on WW... 27lbs! that was very exciting... but i had to stop it because the cost for the program was out of our budget. and i have gained most of the weight back...
i dont want to be nobodys skinner stick girl... i just want to be able to wear a size 12 maybe... i dont remember the last time my pant size didnt have a 2 in the front or my shirt size wasnt an X something!
i dont think im ugly... but my body is disgusting. rolls upon rolls upon rolls... ugh!
i want to be a good role model for my child/children (whom id like to have) and an obese mommy telling you to run around and eat your veggies... what is that going to prove? YOU DONT WANT TO LOOK LIKE MOMMY DO YOU!!!!!!1 :(

alright now that that is all out in the open...

so i came to work today and found a little bag on the desk with my name on it...

the bag was from swarovski but i just assumed that it was just an extra bag to put something in.

i open it up and inside is a velvet bag with swarovski crystal earrings! FOR ME!!!!

the are gorgeous! nothing too special but they are definetly me. i have them in right now... i love them!

there was a note that said: 21st birthday and xmas combined gift! :)

i was in complete shock... i had to call my mom and tell her!

what a great way to start the day!!

not such a great picture so ill find one online to show you....

New Scrap Page!

worst day!!!
roys being more of a dick then usual
and i just checked my account again and it was negative AGAIN!!!
i just love throwing away money! WTF!!!!!!

today sucks....

so X's eyes were an amber color the other day...
and all i could think was...
AWWW EDWARD!!!!!!!! lol
i r loser!

ill be 21 tomorrow!
so look for an upcoming post about the festivities and pics!!!!!

weeeeee

GOD I AM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW.....
(YES SO FRUSTRATED THAT I MUST TYPE IN CAPS!!)

WHY THE FUCK DONT PEOPLE TELL ME THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I FEEL LIKE JUST GOING TO YOUR WORK AND YELLING AT YOU SO THAT I FUCKING KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!!!
DAMMMMMMMMMMMITTTTT

Turkey Day.... and more

So Thanksgiving was an event... there was a whole lot of people there. and it was alright up until the very end where people need to learn to think before they speak. yes and there was no alcohol involved! so at the end X and I ended up leaving and barely saying goodbye.

But there we went to mamma and bumpos and that was nice. it was quiet there and X likes crawling around everywhere and touching everything.

this weekend Melissa and Eddie stayed over a couple of days so that was nice... getting to spend some time with someone who wasnt my family. We went to hang out with Mindi for some girl time which was awesome! We played games and sang karaoke! I have some pics from that on my camera.

Then yesterday I went to Super Walmart with my mom and dad. and im so close to being finished with my Xmas shopping! just a couple more people to buy for THANK GOD! I just want to be able to enjoy the holiday and not have to worry about money anymore for gifts and stuff.. then after the holiday is when i get to start paying my parents back for the loans they have given me for shopping and bills... :-/

Oh yeah and I got my christmas cards all printed up. just need to start filling out the envelopes and send them out to everyone!!! they are pretty dang cute! I was gonna make my own but walmart was only 30 cents a piece so i got 30 of them for 12 bucks and they came with envelopes and everything!!

We took the christmas photo at my moms... here are a couple shots from that!
My Xyander Clause: